I Hereby Dedicate My Next Incarceration to the 2500 Immigrant Children Victimized by Trump’s Cruel Zero-Tolerance Immigration Policy

So, I’ll be going to jail again soon…

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Soon, I’ll be doing this again, but in my mind I’m going to dedicate the experience to all the immigrant children who have been cruelly kidnapped from their parents by the Trump Administration and held in border detention centers.

I’m not sure when or on what grounds exactly, but apparently I really botched up on June 14, 2018 by strolling peacefully and politely throughout two of the office buildings on the MetLife campus in Cary, NC.

It might have been the hat I wore. MetLife has a dress code policy that prohibits the wearing of hats, and I had forgotten to remove mine after entering the buildings.

Lesson learned:

Always obey the rules of the MetLife dress code.

Joking aside, I’m now facing some serious misdemeanor Breaking or Entering charges which carry a maximum penalty of 3 months incarceration, and I have reason to believe that the rich and powerful white folks who are actually running things are going to take this opportunity to “teach me a lesson”, so to speak. I don’t think any of them even understand the first thing about Autism, let alone give a crap that I’m actually autistic, but maybe they’ll take into consideration the fact that I am also white and “pull their punches” a bit. Not that I’m seriously hoping to benefit in that way, but I may not have a choice. The sad truth is that white privilege makes everything easier, even crime.

My trial isn’t until August 7, but the rich and powerful white folks actually running things have made it incredibly easy for me to get locked up again before then. At this point I’m pretty sure all I have to do is forget to wash the dishes and back to jail I go. I’m pretty good about washing my dishes, but there are so many other rules I have to follow now. Two days ago a District Judge ordered me to give MetLife a copy of all the videographic footage I shot while touring harmlessly through the buildings. I have until 2:30 today to comply or I’ll be held in Contempt of Court and probably arrested immediately. Although I definitely plan to comply with the order, what if something happens to stop me? What if I get stuck in traffic on my way to their lawyer’s office? What if my daughter has a seizure and I have to spend the day with her in the hospital while she gets checked out? At the moment I’m trying to encrypt the file, and the process is taking forever.

Although a good excuse might earn me eventual forgiveness, that forgiveness would only come after I’d already been arrested, booked, and incarcerated for many, many boring hours.

I’m in a precarious situation right now. One way or another I’m going back to jail soon,  and so I want to try to make the most of it all by dedicating the experience to a worthy cause. In fact, I think I’ll go ahead and dedicate it to every worthy cause — every cause that a rational and morally mature person should support — but I’ll also pick a particular cause as well,

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Central Processing Station in McAllen, Texas. Center for Border Protection (CBP). Found here.

which is the 2500 kids who were recently kidnapped from their families and jailed in border detention centers as a result of the Trump Administration’s cruel Zero-Tolerance immigration policy.

Yes, of course, I realize that Trump has agreed to stop treating any more children in this Draconian fashion, and that 500 of the children have been thus far re-united with their families, but there are still some 2000 kids trapped in these detention centers and in any case, even those who have been reunited with their families were probably so traumatized by the experience that they are going to need lots of support to get over the trauma. All 2500 of them have been victimized by the Trump Administration, and I hereby dedicate my inevitable next incarceration to all of them, specifically; and of course their families too, who have all suffered unjustly; and most generally, I dedicate my inevitable next incarceration to all charitable causes that a rational and morally mature person should support.

Now, in order to make this dedication financially useful to the actual victims, I’m asking my readers here to consider making a contribution to one of the organizations dedicated to helping them. If you happen to have a favorite, then I encourage you to choose that one. And if you would like some suggestions, I invite you to consider those discussed in Here’s how to help immigrant children separated from parents at U.S. border.

I’m also open to any suggestions you’d like to share for good organizations to give to. Please leave their links in the comments below.

Thanks in advance!

 


Header Image Credit: By U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP Processing Unaccompanied Children) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Tilting At Windmills: How To Turn Just About Anything Into A Civil Rights Issue

 

defiance-386x500In my opinion, and especially with Donald Trump in the Oval Office, we all just don’t do enough public protesting, and I suspect it’s because we tend to think that we are just too busy working to pay our bills and to keep food on the table. But this is too bad because the two goals need not conflict, and can in fact be pursued simultaneously and with little extra effort, simply by making a conscious decision to re-purpose into spontaneous mini-protests all our mistakes, bad habits, shortcomings, etc. — basically, all of the ways we might frustrate, annoy, or cause discomfort to another person in some way — and this simply as we go about the ordinary humdrum business of our daily lives.

A few examples will make the general point. Imagine you or others saying any of the following under suitable conditions:

“Defend free speech by farting — often, loudly, odorously!”

“I’m chronically tardy in protest of the Trump Administration!”

“Their armpits stink in defiance of the way animals are systematically abused.”

“What do you mean you forgot to invite me to the party as a gesture of good will toward all sentient beings????”

“Your willingness to just accept that I’m a terrible kisser in the name of Nuclear Arms Reduction is a noble sacrifice for a worthy cause.”

“I have not shaved yet today because I’m hoping it will help raise awareness for diabetes.”

“Let’s all show our disapproval for Trump’s sexist behavior by talking too loudly on our cell phones in public!”

Now, you may find this technique a bit odd, but that’s probably just because it’s such a great idea. Great ideas always seem a bit odd at first, until they catch on and then everybody’s like “wow, that’s a great idea!”

Or maybe you think it’s comical? I agree! Which is partly why I think it can be so effective too. Nothing starts a conversation like a good joke — especially a good fart joke! Jokes always set everyone at ease — especially fart jokes! — and make it easier to keep the conversation on a friendly, collaborative track, rather than letting it veer off into mayhem, murder, or negative attitudes.

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The link between a symbol (green light) and it’s meaning (go/move forward) can be completely arbitrary. Image Credit: Pixabay

One thing to notice with all this is that the link between a given act of protest and the thing being protested can be completely arbitrary. It can be based on nothing more than the occasional need for a good excuse for some random gaffe or foible that might otherwise make you look ignorant, incompetent, or insensitive.

Looking through the examples above, although farting may plausibly be a form of free speech (especially for anyone who talks out of his ass — badump bump!), what’s really the link between animal abuse and stinky armpits? Or between beard stubble and diabetes? None, really, but that’s OK, because the protest is a symbolic gesture, and symbols are often quite arbitrarily linked to what they symbolize.

Consider, for example, that a green traffic light symbolizes that it’s time to move forward through an intersection, but it does so purely by convention and not for any obvious connection between green and forward movement.

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Why does this circle with lines in it symbolize peace? Image Credit: Pixabay

Or notice that only rarely do words have any clear connection to the meaning they symbolize. For example, the word snow itself isn’t cold or white or fluffy, but we have no problem using this word in English sentences as a linguistic symbol for the actual cold, white, fluffy stuff. And consider that the famous peace symbol is just a circle with some lines in it (flowery lines in the one shown here). What does that have to do with peace? Again, the connection between the symbol and its meaning is arbitrary and conventional. So why not take advantage of that basic semiotic principle in order to be more politically active?

In summary, political activism need not be limited to voting or riding 15 hours on a bus to attend a rally in Washington, DC. Virtually anything that someone else finds unpleasant in some way can be re-purposed and politicized into a Civil Rights issue of your choosing.

One caveat: the people that you annoy, frustrate, etc. in this way are probably not going to like that you’re doing it and will likely try to fight back and do their own counter protesting. They may try to trivialize your protest or characterize it as “silly” or “childish” or both. They may try to convince you that you are “insane”, or being “utterly ridiculous” or “infantile” or “irrelevant” or “acting like a complete fool” or making “mountains from mole hills”, a “tempest in a tea cup”, or “tilting at windmills”.

But don’t listen to them. Of course they will say these kinds of things. When they do so it likely means that you’re protesting effectively. Especially if they play the “tilting at windmills” card — that’s when you know you’re doing it right!

What about you? Can you think of any more examples to add to those shown above? If so, please let me know in a comment!

 

 

 

 

Autism Is Like When Your Car Has An Unbalanced Steering Wheel…

…whether it pulls a little or a lot to one side, you must always adjust for the pull, and nobody should be shocked if sooner or later you land in a ditch.

Disclaimer

Although I think the core analogy is sound and quite useful, this version of it, by putting the source of the need for adjustment in the “unbalanced steering wheel”, suggests implicitly that there’s something wrong with being autistic. The day after posting the above, I wrote a much better, non-ableist version of the analogy. I have decided not, however, do delete this version, because I think a comparison of the two does a nice job of explaining some core problems with ableism.

Turn Me In To The FBI Today And Win This Attractive Bag Of Lawn Clippings!!!

Dear Reader,

Are you worried that I may have “crossed a line” by committing a felony in protest of the Trump Administration (not to mention everything else that a sane person might protest, especially the fact that since Trump became President I’ve been fired illegally twice for being autistic)?

Does it seem like I’ve gone “too damn far” by stealing a laptop loaded with protected customer information from the most recent company to fire me for having autism (a company which shall remain nameless, for now, and for reasons that are seeming less reasonable by the hour)?

Would you like to receive the attractive brown paper bag full of lawn clippings shown in the photo above as a Thank You gift?[1]

If so, then today’s your lucky day! Because with just a simple phone call to the FBI you can get that bag of lawn clippings as my Thank You gift simply for “dropping a dime on me” to the FBI regarding the above concerns in particular or in fact really any concerns at all you may have and which follow from my recent public confession that I have committed a felony cyber-crime just to protest, for example, the Trump Administration along with the fact that I’ve been fired illegally twice (for being autistic) since Trump became President, and in fact pretty much everything else that a sane person might protest these days, including but not limited to all the items discussed in yesterday’s open letter to President Trump’s acting Chair of the EEOC, Ms. Victoria A. Lipnic.

By the way, in case a bag of grass clippings isn’t already enough incentive, you should probably also recognize that the truly enormous size of my latest ex-employer’s customer database implies an excellent chance that I may in fact now be in possession of your own name, birthday, and Social Security Number.

Yikes!

So don’t delay. Address your concerns, whatever they are. Drop a dime on me to the FBI today!

Turn me in, please! Do it now, I’m begging you! Don’t over think it. Just follow this link to the FBI Contact Us webpage or do an Internet search on “report a crime to the FBI” and follow the easy instructions you will find.

And yes, I am being totally serious about everything except the bag of grass clippings. That part is really just a joke that I’m hoping will set you at ease long enough to get you to read this post. To be clear: I am not seriously offering anybody a bag of grass clippings as a Thank You for turning me into the FBI. But for the most part I’ve been posting on this topic with a straight face for several days now, and I really do not understand why I am not already in a jail cell.

I’m a friggin’ outlaw, for crying out loud! Somebody, please, do something!

I thank you sincerely in advance for you help,

Daniel L. Scholten, a.k.a. “The Walrus”


[1] In case it isn’t perfectly obvious: I’m really just kidding about the bag of lawn clippings. But I am definitely not kidding about asking you to turn me into the FBI. That part is quite serious. It’s been several days since I publicly confessed to stealing the laptop in question along with the protected customer data it contains, and so far I’m still a free man. I find this weird and disturbing, to say the least. I thought for sure I’d at least get a knock on the door from the police, but so far nothing — which is to say nada, nichts, rien, nyet, etc.

Is this a race thing I’m witnessing? Am I being protected by my so-called “white privilege”? Seems like these days black people can get arrested for forgetting to cover their mouths when coughing. I’ve stolen a friggin lap top and so far nobody seems to care!

Seal of the EEOC

I Confess! — Another Open Letter To Victoria A. Lipnic, President Trump’s Fox-in-Hen-House Acting Chair Of The EEOC

Trigger Warning: I don’t do trigger warnings (yet).

Hello Ms. Lipnic,

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Image Credit: EEOC webpage

While you are pondering yesterday’s only-seemingly-bizarre question, (“What would you do if President Trump grabbed your ‘pussy’?“) I would like to take this opportunity to confess to you publicly that I have recently committed a (non-violent) felony cyber crime in peaceful protest of, well, pretty much everything a sane person would protest nowadays, but especially the following somewhat exhausting but certainly not exhaustive list:

  1. That a bumbling, deceitful, childish, impulsive, pathologically ignorant misogynist like Donald Trump is my President, and thereby armed to the teeth with nuclear weapons and the world’s most powerful armed forces.
  2. That President Trump promoted you in January 2017 from your 2010-Obama-appointed bipartisan role as one of several EEOC Commissioners to your current fox-in-hen-house position as Acting Chair (boss) of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). In case you seriously don’t realize it, you are a fox in the EEOC hen house because you used to work for Seyfarth Shaw, LLP, one of the top anti-Labor law firms in the world, and you are in fact still so chummy with your former Seyfarth Shaw colleagues that they actually call you “Vicki”. Also, by your own admission you have long believed and stated that you see your organization as the “underscore employment opportunity Commission”, suggesting that the notion of Equality will be thrown under the bus if necessary to further Trump’s agenda of creating jobs for the Country’s white men so that they can feed their livestock, servants, children, and wives.
  3. That you gave a private pep rally[1] to your former Seyfarth Shaw colleagues on Feb. 9, 2017 to assure them all that thanks to your new and powerful role at the EEOC it was going to become much easier for them to defend an employer’s freedom to exploit, abuse, and illegally fire their underprivileged but otherwise qualified employees.
  4. That one of your former Seyfarth Shaw colleagues — Frederick “Fritz” T. Smith — appears to have been so emboldened by your Feb. 9th pep rally, that in retaliation for the two EEOC charges I filed in 2017 against his client and my former employer MetLife, Mr. Smith subsequently felt entitled to plan and inflict upon me and my family an ordeal that was so psychologically grueling that now I feel subsequently entitled, in the first place, to describe it as a form of gang rape, and second, to commit the aforementioned non-violent yet highly illegal felony cyber crime to protest this gang rape, along with everything else I’m protesting, including…
  5. That because Donald Trump is now our Man-Child-in-Chief, and because he promoted you to your fox-in-hen-house role as Acting Chair of the EEOC, I have been fired illegally twice this past year for being autistic, and without any legal and effective means of redress.
  6. That the first time I got fired in the past year for being autistic, the company (MetLife) had the nerve to allege to the EEOC that I had been fired for “inappropriate behavior” — a lie which Donald Trump’s “Grab’em by the Pussy” Administration has rendered completely obsolete and utterly impossible to tell anymore with a straight face [ironically, the Trump Administration’s total abolition of the archaic, arbitrary, and ethnocentric notion of “appropriate behavior” is really the only good thing that Trump has done for the USA].
  7. That the second time I got fired for being autistic this year, the company[2] had the nerve to allege in writing that they were firing me because they were going “…in a different direction with the role going forward” — another completely obsolete lie that no employer should ever use again (especially if they really do need to go in a different direction with a given role, so as not to aide and abet illegal firings by providing cover for them).
  8. That because I have no legal and effective means of redress for all of these items (not to mention everything else I’m protesting and which is not listed here), I am forced now by my conscience to risk the possibility of imprisonment and a criminal record in order to protest these items.

With respect to that last item (8): In other words, I’m committing this civilly disobedient felony in part to protest the fact that I must actually resort to committing a civilly disobedient felony in order to protest that I must actually resort to committing a civilly disobedient felony in order to protest…etc., etc., ad infinitum. Yes, yes, I know, right? That infinite regress certainly does seem bizarre, doesn’t it? But it is not really bizarre when you think it through, and for the same reasons that the Trump Administration has made it perfectly not bizarre for me to ask the President’s Acting Chair of the EEOC what she would do if the President of the United States of America grabbed her pussy.


[1] In the following bone-chilling video, watch how often her former Seyfarth Shaw colleagues refer chummily to Ms. Lipnic as “Vicki”. Also, at about minute 9, Ms. Lipnic explains her nightmarish vision of her organization as the “underscore employment opportunity” Commission, strongly suggesting that going forward the whole Equality thing was more a decoration than anything truly functional. This meeting was nothing less than a pep rally she gave her former Seyfarth Shaw colleagues to assure them that it was going to become much easier for them going forward to defend an employer’s freedom to exploit, abuse, and illegally fire their underprivileged but otherwise qualified employees.

[2] I have not yet revealed the name of my most recent ex-employer, but for reasons that are becoming untenable by the day.

Seal of the EEOC

What Would You Do If President Trump Grabbed Your ‘Pussy’? — A Serious Question For Victoria A. Lipnic, Trump’s Acting Chair Of The EEOC

Trigger Warning: I don’t do trigger warnings (yet).

Background

Two days ago I confessed publicly in a post on this blog that I have recently committed a non-violent but otherwise highly illegal felony cyber crime in peaceful protest of a number of things, not the least of which is the fact that US President Donald Trump is a well-documented mysogynist. I am also protesting the fact that I’ve been fired twice in the past year for being autistic, a crime which appears to be perfectly acceptable for employers to commit now, thanks to the fact that Donald Trump is POTUS. Other than Trump himself, the link between these three facts can be found in the person of Victoria A. Lipnic, Donald Trump’s openly anti-Labor fox in the EEOC hen house, who actually gave a (bone-chilling) pep talk on Feb. 9, 2017 to her former colleagues at the offices of Seyfarth Shaw, LLP, the notoriously anti-Labor law firm where Ms. Lipnic used to work. One of those former colleagues was Frederick “Fritz” T. Smith, the Seyfarth Shaw attorney who represented the first company to fire me for being autistic (MetLife) in both of the EEOC charges that I wound up filing against that company in 2017. Needless to say, because MetLife had the anti-Labor loyalty of Ms. Lipnic throughout these proceedings, both EEOC charges were resolved in favor of MetLife, a process which my family experienced as so psychologically grueling, that I have actually been comparing it to a gang rape.

Hello Ms. Lipnic,

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Victoria A. Lipnic, President Donald Trump’s Acting EEOC Chair. Image Credit: EEOC webpage

What would you do if one day President Donald Trump grabbed your “pussy” (i.e. vagina)?

Yup, serious question.

[Note: If you’re not familiar with the infamous Access Hollywood hot mic recording in which a 2005 pre-Presidential Donald Trump blathered on about his misogynistic code of personal ethics — he actually boasted about hand raping women (i.e. “grab’em by the pussy”) — you can watch it on YouTube here.]

Would you puke? Scream for help? Would you punch him in the testicles?

Would you feel flattered?

I know, I know, but based on what the President is heard saying in the recording, whenever he grabs a woman by her private parts, it means he thinks she is “beautiful”. We might wonder if across the globe female foreign ambassadors have been trained now to receive this gesture as a compliment, and not merely a sex crime — “…listen, you look nice today, so if he grabs you down there, don’t scream or punch him in the testicles. Just smile and feel appreciated….”

I know, I know, believe me, I do get it. This question I’m asking you probably seems really bizarre, but just how bizarre is it really?

Is it, for example, more bizarre than the fact that we actually gave this shameless woman-hater the keys to the Oval Office and armed him with nuclear weapons and the world’s most powerful military force?

Is it more bizarre than the fact that we don’t boot him to the curb immediately?

Is it more bizarre than the fact that every voting age citizen of the USA isn’t now sitting in a prison cell in (non-violent) protest of Trump’s Presidency and in virtuous fulfillment of Thoreau’s Civil Disobedience Axiom?[1]

I don’t think so.

In fact, I think that precisely because we made this crazy man our President, because we allow him to remain President, because we are not now each of us sitting civilly-disobediently in a prison cell in (non-violent) protest of his Presidency that we are now burdened with the awkward fact that we live in a surrealistic nightmare where this apparently bizarre question I’m asking you is actually not so bizarre after all. Here it is again:

“What would you do if one day President Donald Trump grabbed your pussy”?

Serious question, Ms. Lipnic. What would you do?

Thoreau’s Civil Disobedience Axiom: Why I Am Willing To Go To Prison To Defend The US Constitution

Henry_David_Thoreau_210x259“Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison” — Henry David Thoreau, Civil Disobedience, 1849

Yesterday I confessed in public to (non-violently) stealing a laptop from a company that just fired me because I’m autistic. This laptop contains protected customer information (e.g. Social Security Numbers) of a great many of my ex-employer’s valued customers, several of whom happen purely by chance to be the same individuals that gang raped me last year (the database is huge, so it’s actually not that strange a coincidence).

(Surprise, surprise, motherfuckers! Betcha didn’t see that one coming.)

Oh, relax — they’re the criminals, not me. I’m actually the last person who would cause any mischief to these people with that data. Yes, I have the data and the laptop, but both are very, very safe, and simply possessing it is all I will ever actually do with it. I’m autistic, for crying out loud, and I take data security seriously in a way only an autistic person could do so. But here’s the thing: I’m not allowed even to possess this data. That’s what you call a cyber crime! That is illegal! I’m an outlaw right now, as we speak! Quick! Somebody report me to the FBI! (Click this link to go to the FBI Submit a Tip page.)

Now, you’re probably wondering why I’m doing this. Well, let’s start with this:

In my opinion, President Donald Trump is an unmitigated asshole who should have bowed out of the 2016 Presidential race the moment the whole world heard that Access Hollywood hot mic recording of him saying “grab’em by the pussy”. This misogynistic hate speech is everything that any of us needs in order to be done with him as a President. Every day that this deranged, self-entitled hand-rapist remains in the Oval Office, “We the People” of the United States of America insult every girl child on Earth — all of our daughters, sisters, cousins, and future mothers, aunts, and grandmothers — and menace them with a lifetime of abuse ranging from casual disregard to sexual slavery.

That right there is all the reason any of us needs to start (non-violently) refusing to cooperate with the US Government until we redeem ourselves by ousting him — immediately. Donald Trump’s documented misogyny is sufficient reason right there for me to keep this laptop and its data (again, non-violently).

[Disclaimer: To be clear, I abhor violence and am vehemently opposed to any sort of violent behavior, and am advocating here for a strictly non-violent, totally naked-faced (no masks, please) sort of non-cooperation with the Trump regime — a la Thoreau, Ghandi, Martin Luther King, etc. Organizations like Antifa and ISIS are evil, to my view — just mindless and dangerous rage junkies looking for a way to catch a good buzz. The only “weapon”, so to speak, I will ever use is my sense of humor.]

Now, you may be wondering at this point what any of that has to do with the “so to speak” rape I endured last year. The answer is everything. The only reason it happened is because the lawyer who organized it works for the same famously anti-labor law firm that Trump’s current acting EEOC Chair Victoria A. Lipnic used to work for: Seyfarth Shaw, LLP. On February 9, 2017, Ms. Lipnic actually gave a pep rally (see YouTube video shown below) to all of Seyfarth Shaw, during which (see min 9:00 in the video) she suggested to all of her former colleagues that now that she’s in charge, the whole notion of Equality would be tossed under the bus whenever it was necessary to do so to carry out Trump’s racist, misogynist, anti-labor policies. The upshot here is that I got raped (“so to speak”) last year as a direct result of Trump’s hatred toward anybody who isn’t a rich, white, male willing to obey Trump’s every infantile whim.

In fact, the real question on the table here is not why I am willing to go to prison to (again, non-violently!) defend our Constitution, but why aren’t you?