Why I’ve Decided To Start Blaming Autism For All Of My Problems, So Fuck Off!

Because I’m autistic.

So, fuck off!

Oh…and happy World Autism Awareness Day!

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Image credits: Angry Walrus, Shutterstock; World Autism Awareness Day, Wikipedia.

The World’s Most Quickly Broken New Year’s Resolution

Empty goals list

Image found here.

I suck at New Year’s resolutions. In fact, I’m so very bad at them, that if there’s anything I actually don’t want to accomplish in a given year — like eat a full bale of hay, for instance — as an extra precaution I’d do well to declare it as a New Year’s resolution!

Whenever I break a resolution, I do so quickly — often within a week. But this year, 2018, I hope to set something of a record in that regard. This year, I hope to set the world’s record for the most quickly broken New Year’s resolution ever. In fact, I can safely say that this resolution will be broken almost instantly — surely by the time I reach the end of the next sentence, thus:

In 2018, I hereby resolve to make absolutely no New Year’s resolutions whatsoever!

[Drops the mic; crowd goes berserk.]