A Me Problem: My First Real Hate Mail, Part 1

It’s been several months since I’ve started this blog and I have just received my first real hate mail.

In fact it’s a comment I received on an earlier post, and after studying it more carefully, I must say that I think the writer may have been trying to be helpful — although in a salty, “tough-love” way.

If you’re interested, you can see the original comment starting here, followed immediately with my relatively thoughtless defensive retort,  which I hope to improve upon in subsequent parts to this post (Part 2, 3, etc., if necessary), after I’ve had a chance to think it through properly.

Although I probably won’t re-post every comment of its genre, since this is the first such a one, I feel it’s appropriate to do so now. I hope you will share your own thoughts on it in a comment below, whether you agree or not.

Here is the original text re-posted in its entirety:

[Begin Comment]

You know, once is just life, twice isn’t really a coincidence. What happens when you’re fired a third time?

That’s a YOU problem.

Actually your problem isn’t the autism. Your problem is using your autism as an excuse to break rules you don’t like. You bludgeon the reader with your autism, as if that’s the reason for everything that happens to you.

You claim to be very aware of your limitations due to your diagnosis, yet REFUSE to adjust your actions with it in mind.

I have a niece that has Celiac’s. She doesn’t go around eating gluten and complaining that the restaurant tried to ‘gang rape’ her. She learned not to eat gluten.

You, on the other hand, is [sic] obviously unwilling to adjust and wish to use your autism as a weapon to get your way. That’s just being a victim, not a survivor.

This blog, and every post on it, is just you avoiding the fact that you are using your autism as an excuse to play the victim. By your own admission you broke into a building then claim toy [sic] shouldn’t have been arrested because you didn’t do anything criminal.

I feel bad for everyone that crosses your path. Your autism isn’t what got you fired. Your refusal to act like an adult is.

Complaining about a manager ‘hijacking’ a meeting is beyond childish. Emailing everyone on the o-chart about it is ridiculous. Many a meeting gets hijacked. It happens.

Instead of blowing it off, you made it a crusade because of your autism. That’s middle school actions, not adult.

I’d really see a mental health professional. Your blog exhibits classic paranoiac/psychotic signs. Justifying breaking the law is also a sign of mental illness.

Your problem isn’t met life [sic] or who fired you next.

It’s you.

[End Comment]

Continue with A Me Problem: My First Real Hate Mail, Part 2

20 Comments

  1. I see two problems here. First, a person who thinks that they’re going to help you by bludgeoning you. I tend to be pretty outspoken, but I don’t think I have the right to just walk up to a complete stranger (even on the internet) and start analyzing them and telling them what they need to do.

    Second, what I’ve seen on your blog is something that’s fairly common, an identification with autism that overwhelms any other considerations. But there are so many degrees of autism that it’s impossible to say, unless you know the person very well, just what’s going on their mind, and how to meet them in such a way that it’s possible to discuss the problems without judgment and defensiveness.

    Changing is difficult, and the most difficult thing is to recognize that something needs to change. Our relationship with NTs is human to human first, but too many on the spectrum make it autistic vs. NT, and act as if that’s the only way to function. We aren’t special snowflakes, and the world is never going to make way for us. Every minority has to adjust to that, while continuing to educate the larger world, and going deeper into their own self-awareness as an individual and a member of the human race.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Thank you, for those great insights! I have a lot more I might say, but I want to think this one through. I’m working on a part 2 (or more, if required) in which I hope to address the issues you have both raised. But I want to acknowledge and thank you for taking the time to think this one through and comment on it. 🙂

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    2. >We aren’t special snowflakes, and the world is never going to make way for us. Every minority has to adjust to that, while continuing to educate the larger world,

      Holy shit..are you ME? Because that’s what I’ve always tried to teach my son (who is high functioning autistic).

      Liked by 3 people

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  2. I’m interested to see how you respond! I can kind of see some of the points they are making, but much of your blog I always took as a sort of self-mocking satirical attitude. Was I wrong? I know many people seem to think we aspies don’t have senses of humor, but I have found many of us to be quite sarcastic lol.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Thanks for responding to this, Maranda. That makes at least two of us who are interested to see how I’m going to respond. It’s been almost a day that I’ve been cooking this in my ‘thought furnace’, and I have to say that I’m quite stumped.

      Also, you are quite correct that I’m just as likely to mock myself as anyone else. And yes, it is definitely just a stereotype that we aspies don’t do humor very well. There may be some truth to it, however, but I’m not sure how much. 🙂

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  3. I haven’t read or commented on the posts they’re talking about BUT this bit of the comment really stuck out to me: Your problem is using your autism as an excuse to break rules you don’t like.

    This is EXACTLY what we’ve tried to teach my son NOT to do. Because you can’t go “BUT AUTISM MADE ME DO IT!” all the damn time. It gets old and super annoying REAL quick. In fact, that’s probably why I’ve skipped over the last four or five posts you’ve made..because I’m pretty sure they’d just piss me off and I don’t want to read shit right now that pisses me off.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thank you for articulating that. I find your approach much more understandable. For one thing, the fact that your son is autistic makes your testimony much more credible. At least you’re working from knowledge and experience. My impression of the person who attacked me above is that he or she is arguing from a position of near total ignorance, which is difficult to take seriously.

      I’m sorry you felt it necessary to withhold your critical feedback. I’m actually starving for push back. Don’t get me wrong, praise feels great and is highly motivating, but the truth is critical feedback is also important because without it we just circle around in our own propaganda. 🙂

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  4. Yep. Hate mail. Without knowing you, they’ve decided that not only are you wrong, wrong, wrong! But, that you have mental health issues as well. WOW!!
    I believe I’ve commented a few times that I thought you were taking things a bit far but that *it’s your life and your right to do what you feel you need to do*. I stand behind that!
    I can’t wait to see how you answer this. One suggestion? Play it straight. You’ve got a wicked funny sense of humor but I wouldn’t use it in the response.

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Hate mail sucks. I’ve had my share of it. And it’s hard to read and then hard to not think about it. I became a little bit obsessed with the hate mail and it’s sender in a bad obsessed(not with him but with why me kind of thoughts)way.
    I finally had to just delete delete delete. I kept trying to defend myself and make my point but it fell on deaf ears. Just sucked though. Ruined my day actual. Many days. I really had to just work on just ok delete don’t read this. And this was no tough love. This was a person ripping you a new ass and that is unacceptable. If they don’t like what you write move along!

    Liked by 1 person

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