Weirdos Wanted: Become a Professional Diversity Acceptance Consultant

Today I begin my new career as a Professional Diversity Acceptance Consultant, and this is your invitation to do the same.

If you’re wondering what that means you’re in good company because I’m not quite sure myself. At the very least the product we will sell is an increased awareness, understanding, and especially acceptance of diversity, in general, but in particular that unique, particular example that we each embody as particular individuals. For my part I plan to specialize in autism, but I might also be able to have a side specialty based on my preference — despite having a penis — to sit down when I pee. A lot of men especially have a tough time with that one. I suspect the inevitable pool of piss on the floor stimulates some primitive urge to mark one’s territory, although I find it strange that the men’s room is viewed as such prime real estate. It’s not like you can raise a family in one. Heck, mothers aren’t even allowed in!

In any case, the range of specialties for this profession is virtually endless. Do you have a large, asymmetrical nose? An extra nipple? Perhaps you have dark skin, or wrinkly skin, or skin that got burned in a fire. Are you teeth crooked, brown, or missing altogether? Do you have some horrible disease or illness? Maybe your eyes don’t work, or your kidneys, or maybe you need a wheelchair to get around? Maybe you are homosexual, or transgender, or have a twin sister growing out of your back? Your own specialty can be whatever it is that makes you different from so-called “normal” people. Really, we are limited here only by what is currently considered “normal”. For example, although I am a white man, I probably won’t try to sell increased awareness, understanding, and acceptance of those traits, although a lot of white supremacists may feel differently. Apparently they see themselves as an endangered species.

Another idea I have is to make the general project of creating this profession one of those “open source” projects so that it might benefit from the collective wisdom and creativity of anybody else who likes the idea and wants to give it a go — oh yeah, and especially anyone who wants an exciting new career getting paid to be his or her own unique and special self. How’s that for an employee benefit?

Please accept this as your invitation to do exactly that.

The only restriction I can think of is that we’re not allowed to get greedy and hoard this idea in any way. It has to stay open source, but if you understand what open source is all about, then you also understand why trying to turn it back into some sort of closed source thing is a bad idea. (Hint: I know I’m not smart enough, and I doubt you are either.)

And finally, I’m thinking we need to give our customers an easy way to start paying for our services, so for my part I’ve decided to implement a pay-what-you-think-it’s-worth business model and create a “How To Hire Me Retroactively” page for my blog along with a PayPal link. You should probably do something similar, but please let me know if you think that’s a mistake. You might be right, and if so, I would like to know that.

But otherwise, the reason I think (for now) that it’s not a mistake is that my intention here is to help create a professionΒ (as opposed to a charity, say), and professionals get paid for their services. Oh, and I have kids to feed, bills to pay, etc., and I’m sure you do too.

I’ll stop here for now, but please let me know what you think!

 

 

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